A Tribute to Mom

My Mom passed away on March 31, 2005. We had a stormy relationship for a long time, but that all changed with a phone call. Our relationship changed permanently when I told my Mom I was pregnant.

She already had three grandchildren from my older brother, but none from me. When I got pregnant, she began to call me, just to see how I was doing. She never did that before. Mom was not a phone person. Who are you and what have you done with my Mother? My Mom was changed, and the change was for the better.

I was due in November of 2002. My Mom was born on Thanksgiving, and she was hoping my son would be born on her birthday. He was born on the 16th, not the 23rd. Mom was excited anyway, and was a frequent visitor at the hospital.

She fell in love with my son right away too. She held him and sang to him. She called him “Mr. Adorable” and everything he did was cute. He could do no wrong. When I got home, Mom and Dad would visit with me and the baby at least once a week, more if they felt up to it.

We did not always have a good relationship, and I was happy for the chance to make amends to her for being a rotten daughter for most of her life. I had the chance when I got older to make amends to her, and the few years before she died, we were very close.

She was not so fast with hugs, but as I got older, she gave me something better. I was the black sheep of the family for many years. One Mother’s Day, it was probably 2003, she was watching me play with my son and she said “You are a great Mother and I am proud of you.”

I hope I continue to make you proud Mom, Happy Mother’s Day.

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7 thoughts on “A Tribute to Mom

  1. Don Stanley says:

    I love this post Nancy. While I’m a dad with three little girls and I had issues with my dad not my mom, the exact same thing happened to me with him (though I wasn’t a rotten kid ;). It’s magical, the healing power little ones can bring to our relationships with our parents. I got to see a side of my dad that I couldn’t conceive. He was so kind, gentle and loving to my first daughter it made a wall breakdown inside of me. I’m so glad you were able to experience that with your mom. And, I must admit, your mom’s statement to you brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for sharing and Happy Mothers’ Day to you and all the moms out there.

    • nancyadavis says:

      Thank you so much Don. My Mother loved every single thing about my son. Even when he spit up! :) I am very grateful to have had those last few years with her.

  2. ayo says:

    hello nancy
    how are you?
    i found your link on the sales lion blog.
    your article was heartfelt and i am sure if your mum (her soul resting in peace) were still alive, she would be so proud of you.
    it’s great you’ve got fond memories of her
    you’ve got a great blog here and i m sure it will grow as long as you keep at it lol!!
    take care of yourself and enjoy the rest of the day

    • nancyadavis says:

      Thank you so much. I appreciate you taking the time to comment. I am sure Mom is very pleased. I am just thankful that I had those last few years with her.

  3. It’s so important for us to realize our parents just did the best they could with what they had. It’s hard for us to understand that as kids, but I love that you were able to make amends with her and she was able to have a relationship with your GREAT kid!

    • nancyadavis says:

      Gini,

      It took years to realize how hard they really had it. My dad was in and out of the hospital. We had very little extra money. I wanted Jordache jeans (remember the 70′s) and did not really understand that they could not afford them. I only saw other kids with them and wanted them too. I never realized until I was older how much they both sacrificed. I see it now because I have had to do the same with my boy.

      She gave me many things, and among them was my love of reading, and my desire to be a writer. I know she is looking down now and proud. I also know that somewhere in Heaven, my Dad is making up random words, and Mom is correcting him.

  4. My daughter is or was a bridge for my relationship with my mother as well. It wasn’t that we had a bad relationship. I just left home and could have never looked back. I felt stymied by my parents. As a mom my mother treated me with respect and was genuinely interested in being a hands on grandma. It gave us something to share. When we lived in the same town we were in more contact. Now mom lives states away and we have our own lives.

    Part of what I have tried to do as a parent is not make the same mistakes. Remaining aware that I need to want to cultivate a relationship that my child will want to continue into adulthood not just win battles and control everything all the time.

    My ultimate life’s work will include helping other mothers and daughters come to peace together grandchildren or no grandchildren. It will be great if I can get to moms before their kids are teens or leaving home and help them see clarity about things they are doing or not doing that can have devastating consequences.

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