Getting My Voice Back

It took a while before I would speak at all about abuse. I was like so many others, too ashamed to admit what happened. I did not want to admit my husband had been cheating on me multiple times, and I certainly did not want to talk about the abuse.

I was censoring myself because it made others uncomfortable to hear about it. This is the worst kind of censorship there is. My friends and family did not want to hear the awful things he said to me, because that makes the abuse real. Verbal abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse, make no mistake about it.

Everyday I was told what a lousy wife I was, what a failure as a mother I was and that I was not lovable. I can only speak freely about it now, five years later. It was too painful to talk about before then, besides I didn’t want to offend anyone or make anyone uncomfortable.

The thing about silencing yourself is that you run the risk of denying your own essential truth. I got to a point where I was no longer comfortable with being silent about what happened to me. The pain of being silent outweighed the pain of telling the truth. Once I began to free myself, I found out I was not alone.

I was busy using softer words to explain away severe verbal abuse and emotional cruelty. I was not telling the full story of how my husband would come home yelling about something, and that he began to throw things. I was so worried he would hit the baby. Yet I censored myself. It made others too uncomfortable to hear this, so I took critical details out of the story.

No more. I won’t be silent anymore. I will not let myself be run by fear anymore.

Are you still censoring yourself to please everyone?

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4 thoughts on “Getting My Voice Back

  1. Aaron says:

    Dear Nancy,

    Sorry to hear about what happened, I don’t know what you’ve been through but you’re strong going through all those, i am so glad that you got your voice back and after reading this, I am sure that you’ll become the voice of others too, with social media you’re able to change the life of others going through similar situations like you.

    Aaron

    • nancyadavis says:

      Hi Aaron,

      It really is my goal to change the world. I may have to do it one person at a time, but that is my goal. It took a long time before I could be comfortable talking about a subject like this, but I hope that through this, I can give others the strength to speak up too.

      Thank you for commenting Aaron, it means a lot to me.

  2. Hi Nancy,

    I loved this post. Regaining our voice, or finding the voice we thought we didn’t have is really what it’s all about.

    I’m happy to see you are not in an abusive relationship anymore, but as you point out, recovering takes time and learning not to self censor is I think a life long journey.

    Personally I censor myself on specific occasions. When I know the truth will do more harm than good. I believe that as long as we are not compromising our well-being and values, it does take some censorship to live with another person.

    The big difference here is that this censorship doesn’t come from a place of fear from possible abuse.

    Thanks for this post, it is really important for all of us

    • nancyadavis says:

      Hi John,

      I absolutely do censor myself when the situation warrants it. I call it having a “filter” Not everything I think needs to be said, and honesty without compassion is brutality.

      I can be honest without being brutal. It has taken a long time to get myself to a place where speaking freely comes more naturally to me. Your post the other day also had me thinking about keeping quiet, and how in many ways we are “as sick as our secrets”

      Thank you John for being an inspiration to me.

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