Are You a Priority Or An Option?

The value of a relationship is in direct proportion to the time that you invest in the relationship. – Brian Tracy

We have all head the advice “never treat someone like a priority who treats you like an option” this is the single hardest piece of advice for me to take sometimes. I tend to make excuses for poor behavior, so I just say “he hasn’t seen me because he’s so busy” or “his job is really stressing him out right now” I have news for you – are you ready?

He’s just not that into you. I read this book and I love it. I do not make one cent if you buy it.

I know you didn’t want to hear that right? Tough. Its the truth, you know it, and so do I. We both know when we meet someone who is into us. They do whatever it takes to be with us. They call us at least once a day, just to say hi. When they have to cancel plans, they offer an alternative right away and are truly sorry to cancel on us.

The ones who treat us as options could not care less what we want. Our time gets canceled without a second thought. They want to see us, at 2 in the morning after a bar crawl with their buddies. Then they want to come over full of “I’m sorry I didn’t see you sooner.” or worse, professing their undying love.

Don’t buy it – will they still love you in the cold light of day once they sober up? I doubt it.

How do I know this? I fell for this, and similar one time too many. I have been that person trying to rationalize inexcusable behavior. I was the one blaming myself for not being sexy/pretty/smart enough to capture a man’s imagination.

It never occurred to me that he might just be THE WRONG MAN. That is way too simple. There has to be more to it, right?

Nope. I have learned this again and again, when you meet the right person, making them a priority is not hard. By no means am I suggesting shirking your responsibilities, or anything along those lines. What I am suggesting is that when you want to be with someone, you find time to see them. No, you make time. You make it happen because you want to.

So, are you still sitting around waiting for the phone to ring? I hope not. In the day of social media, email, unlimited text messaging, Skype and all the other ways to keep in touch, I sure hope you are not waiting around with baited breath for him to call you.

Because he is never going to.

Why would you want someone that treats you like an option when you can have someone who treats you like a priority?

8 thoughts on “Are You a Priority Or An Option?

  1. karilee says:

    Applies to friendships too – it’s good advice, and I’ve never heard it worded just that way. I had a friend for years whom I treated as one of the people I’d “go to the wall for”, and yet I’d be lucky if she returned my calls.

    She was quite surprised when she got back in touch (after leaving town for a few years) to find out I just wasn’t interested in spending time with her again. I value myself more now, and my precious time is spent with people who I value, who value me in return.

    • nancyadavis says:

      Funny that you should mention friends. I had one of those too. Letting her go was one of the best things I ever did. I always had to call her, and she would ask me how I was without listening to the answer. She would then launch into a tirade about how hard her life was.

      Why would I not be interested in that?

      I value myself now much more too. My friends value me, and I value them. It works much better that way.

  2. Hey Nancy,

    I just loved this piece – I wish I had written it myself.
    Your opening quote reminds me of one of my favorites by NFL coach Tom Landry which says, ““The quality of a man’s life is indirect proportion to his commitment of excellence.” – Basically – the more you do or give, the more you get!

    And this piece touches in parts on my latest guest post that talks about settling for mediocrity. Because at the end of the day – accepting to be treated as an option is settling – simple as that!

    Thank you for writing this and for the reminder that expecting to be treated like you treat others – is NOT an Option! It’s a PRIORITY because each one of us should be a priority to someone or our significant others!

    The excuses you use to make for him – I’ve heard them many times before – even out of my own mouth ;). Maybe it’s because they make us feel better or they momentarily cover up our true thoughts allowing us to build a wall where we think we can’t get hurt if we know or accept the real truth. Does that make sense to you? I hope so lol.

    But it was only after I took a step back that I realized it was all bullocks most of the time. Sure, sometimes we are too busy or too tired or too XYZ – but like you said – in our day and age – contact/communications shouldn’t be too difficult. If the CEO of the world bank isn’t too busy and can make time for his wife, GF, whatever….then so can you!

    Hope you’re having a great week Nancy. In case I haven’t said it before or enough – I just love everything you’re putting out here and it’s such a pleasure reading your thoughts. They often ring true for many of us.

    Cheers to you my dear. May you always be happy and smiling and may you always be treated the way you deserve.

    • nancyadavis says:

      Hi Griddy,

      I am so glad you came! I had been wanting to write that post for a while. I was always the person making excuses for bad behavior. I used to hide behind excuses – because confronting someone may mean I have to swallow the truth.

      I prefer denying reality thank you very much. ;) I work very hard on constructing those walls.

      We all deserve to be treated as a priority and not as an option. The truth is, once you realize how badly you have been treated it really is not possible to go back. At least for me it is no longer possible, and that is a good thing.

  3. Kaylin Taylor says:

    This guy and I we both admitted that we like eachother. We talk literally all day everyday about everything. We planned on hanging out 3 times. All of them got cancelled because he says he has stuff to do. Anyway we FaceTime all the time.. And he’s told me that he talks to me and another girl. I told him that I feel like in competition with another girl like I’m an option and he said dont feel that way! With a kissy face… Idk… What to do… Am I an option? Or what

  4. Broogs says:

    Kaylin, that’s three strikes! He’s out.

  5. None says:

    You treat this like it is exclusive to guys doing this to women. Words alone cannot express how many women have done this to me.

  6. Byrdie says:

    I’ve just been journaling about this very situation, decided to run a Google search for “treats you like an option”, and found your post. I have a ton of excuses about why this is happening, but what it really comes down to is that I’ve been convenient and forgiving too many times, and now I’m done.

    Thank you for writing this. I didn’t like reading it, but that doesn’t affect the truth of it.

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