All An Illusion

This post is inspired in part by a phone conversation last night.

Many times when I am struggling with something, I have forgotten that feelings are not real. They cannot hurt me. I have heard the saying “feelings aren’t facts” and more times than not, forget that I know that. The ego is so powerful that it wants us to not remember the things we instinctively know. My ego in particular does not want me to seek help for anything. then I can play the victim that much better.

It really comes down to how we look at things.

Emotional pain is also an illusion. No one can hurt me with what they say unless I give them that power. I forget this often, and as a result often give my power away. Then I wonder why I am an emotional wreck. Reminding myself I am human and will make mistakes is fine. I may trip over this one particular rock many times in a day. The days that I manage to not be ruled by my emotions are always better for me. I have an awful tendency to jump without looking or thinking.

When I stay in the moment, I don’t have this issue.

I was reminded again about meditation.it can be tough for me to meditate since I am so hyper. I often forget to take care of myself. I come last on a long list of things to do. I need to take more time for myself, and meditating may actually help clear my head. I have some difficulty being in the moment, so anything that can help me to slow time is a good thing. I tend to keep going and going. Lately I am a human doing instead of a human being.

Do you think your feelings are real? How do you cope when you are overwhelmed?

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12 thoughts on “All An Illusion

  1. billdorman says:

    Absolutely feelings are real and as much as we like to say ‘we’ control how we react to certain things said or done; I assure you much easier said than done. My feelings run very deep and subsequently ‘things’ affect me good and bad. On the surface I try to project an even keel, but trust me, I feel……and I feel deeply.

    I like to drink when I’m overwhelmed………..a lot…………:)

    I try to stay busy when I’m overwhelmed and not allow myself too much thinking time. Like you, it’s hard for me to sit still and whereas meditation would be beneficial; can’t I just do that when I sleep?

    Good to see you ma’am, it’s been a busy wk so sorry for the spotty attendance.

    • nancyadavis says:

      I feel things pretty deeply too. I try to remind myself that what I feel may not always be a fact though. I denied my feelings for so long that for me to even feel them was a triumph of sorts.

      LOL Bill – drinking when overwhelmed eh? Don’t drive at least. :)

      I need to stay busy when i am overwhelmed. It keeps me sane when the hard times come.

      I saw you tearing it up over on Lori’s blog. I am happy for you my friend.

  2. Betsy Cross says:

    Hi Nancy,
    This is a hard one. Feelings are feelings. They help us measure our values, our strengths, our weaknesses,our talents, and the quality of our relationships. The problem of feeling overwhelmed is just one of perception. When I’m overwhelmed I think it’s because I can’t manage to see how I can be responsible to the truckload of stuff that I’m buried under.
    More often than not I perceive that I’m the only one who can do something when actually the thing I’ve been asked to do is really someone else’s responsibility.
    What do I do? Cry! Take a nap! My brain is easily swamped with too much information. I need order to think clearly.So sometimes I’ll ask for help, other times I’ll give up on me and seek out someone who needs my help.
    Puts things in perspective and gives me a break. You know things just don’t seem as hard when you see how hard someone else has it.

    • nancyadavis says:

      Hi Betsy,

      I like the point you made about perspective. That feeling of “oh my God I need to fix everything” is what really gets me in trouble. Sometimes if I am overwhelmed, I may take a walk, or call a friend. I need to do an activity. Gets my brain going in a new direction.

      Feelings are feelings – they are neither good nor bad, they just are. I know that if I am feeling something strongly I need to pay attention to it.

      Seeing how hard others have things always helps me.

  3. Kyla says:

    Feelings aren’t facts.
    I am thinking about that.
    I love it.

  4. Hajra says:

    Hey Nancy,

    There is a huge differences between letting others say something hurtful and you being carried away by that hurt. That’s how I take it. Others might say something that might overwhelm us at times and may cause a lot of pain, but how long does one want to “stay” in that feeling is a lot of hard work and effort and takes courage.

    It takes a lot of courage to get over feeling but we can never stop feeling and that might just be the essence of life.

    When I am overwhelmed I just watch Forrest Gump… cure to all things!

    Beautiful post… indeed!

    • nancyadavis says:

      Hi Hajra,

      I think we do choose how we respond to what someone says or does and how long it takes us to get over it. That is why we sometimes see people who are clearly miserable who are holding on to past hurts because they refuse to let go.

      Forrest Gump? i love that movie. He has such an innocence to him and I love how he impacts all of the people around him in a positive way,

      I hope you are having a good day :)

  5. Tammy says:

    A very insightful post.

    I’ve found that other people’s words can only hurt us where we’re vulnerable, and only because they re-enforce what we already believe about ourselves. Understanding that doesn’t make the pain any less.

    Thank you for giving me the concept of “feelings aren’t facts”. I’ve often found that by fully experiencing my feelings, even the “negative” ones, allows me to let them go and then see the situation in a different light.

    • nancyadavis says:

      Hi Tammy,

      I have found that when I am hurt by someone, I have allowed them to hurt me. I learned a while ago that ‘feelings aren’t facts” and that really has helped me out so much in how I think and how I respond to others. I am not perfect with it, but I am way better than I used to be that’s for sure.

  6. Ah feelings…oh Nancy…feelings are so real and so important. I would rather be the very emotional person that I am, even if it means I feel pain and sadness, than to be without those feelings. Even in the darkest times, the feelings are what remind me that I am alive. While we would intuitively prefer the good feelings, the bad ones bring value to our growth and experience as well. You touched on talking about living in the moment. It is my daily goal to try to keep in the moment because in doing so, I understand that feelings are impermanent. Feelings fill our day, good or bad, but, they are impermanent. So even when I am at my lowest of lows, I know that this feeling will pass. Conversely, when I am at my highest of highs, I know that this feeling, too will pass. The trick is to embrace each feeling as you are experiencing it and not to attach yourself to it because…it will go. Easier said than done for me but this awareness has helped me immensely because I am so filled with emotion.
    Thank you Nancy…I love how open you allow yourself to be…it makes it easy to open up in response!
    Claudia

    • nancyadavis says:

      Hi Claudia,

      I have always been a pretty emotional person. I denied my feelings for years, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t there. Everything does pass. Feelings pass, situations pass…there have been times that someone has said “this too shall pass” and I have threatened them with bodily injury. :)

      Not attaching to any feeling is the tricky part. I only feel pain when I refuse to let go. If hold things in the palm of my hand, there is no pain. If I squeeze it tightly and refuse to let go, man am I signing up for some pain.

      I love how open everyone is with me. It makes me more open with you. :)

      Nancy

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