Absence makes the heart grow fonder. So they say. I respectfully disagree. To me, absence is simply that – absence. To hold my attention, you need to show interest. In my mind, that means calling, text or email during the course of the day. The more time I spend with someone, the more I want to be with them. The reverse is also true for me. The less time I spend with someone, the less I want to be with them. Maybe that is backwards, but that is how my mind works.
I should not have to beg for attention – that does not make my heart grow fonder. It makes my heart grow resentful.
There are others that need (or want) less attention – and that is where conflict comes in. I do understand some people having a need for mystery. To be sure, no one wants to hear every detail of another person’s life. I do not want to tell you every detail about me either. Some things I need you to find out on your own. When I am starting a relationship with someone, I really like learning all about them. I don’t want a lot of mystery. I want time together.
There is one exception – my son.
I do not see my son for three days in a row. By the time he gets home, I miss him terribly. Even though I miss him, I know I will see him again. That is the problem with absence in a romantic relationship. If I can’t be certain that I will see you again, absence does not make my heart grow fonder, it makes me wonder what I am doing wrong. It makes me want to look for someone who will pay attention to me and who wants to see me.
What do you think? Does absence make the heart grow fonder? Or is it a recipe for disaster?