We are all human. Not one of us is perfect. Some of us have more “baggage” than others. The challenge lies not in the fact that everyone has problems, the real difficulty comes when we try to judge others without all the facts.
This is why gossip hurts so much. So many comments get taken out of context. Lives and careers can be ruined by someone who does not know or understand the whole story.
A few years ago, I had my heart broken by someone I thought was the love of my life. What made matters worse was that a hot three weeks later he began to date someone that I knew casually.
This became a source of not only heartache, but biting gossip.
There is an old saying that “if you are pointing a finger at someone you have three fingers pointing back at you” this means if you see a flaw in someone, there is a good chance you have that same flaw.
People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
The most important thing that I try to remember is that I have no idea where someone else is coming from. I may know some of his or her life, but I will never know the whole story unless they want my input.
If a friend comes to me looking for comfort or advice, it is up to me to listen without judgment. It is my responsibility to keep the conversation private unless it is common knowledge.
I have to remember that I have made plenty of mistakes, and that if I have the chance to help someone it is a privilege and not my birthright.
Before picking up that stone and hurling it at someone, ask yourself what your motives are. What are you trying to accomplish by gossiping about someone?
Do you gossip about others? If you do, are you aware of the harm it causes?
I think that gossiping is a very bad habit that your friends will either let you get away with, or will encourage, or discourage. I have to step back sometimes and remind myself that even if a third person isn’t ever going to hear what a friend and I say, the real damage (aside from maligning their character in a way that is nearly impossible to redeem), I’ve damaged my reputation and the trust between me and the person I’m talking to….if we agree to talk about somebody else we are silently agreeing to talk about each other even if we swear we never would!
So….gossip is no good. Talking to my mom about someone because I’m searching for answers and guidance is different. But then I try not to name names just in case she knows them or might meet them through me someday!
And you’re right. There are no perfect people, just perfectly wonderful people doing the best that they can (even if we think they could be doing better!).
Gossip is insidious. It causes so much harm, and can be encouraged in a group setting.
It is one thing to clarify what someone said in a conversation if another person misquoted them.
No one is perfect, and we are all prone to making mistakes. If I ever have a day where I don’t make a mistake I will probably be dead.
Have a great weekend Betsy!
Gossip is something I did indulge in when in college; I think it was just something I did to go with the flow. But when one of my close friend was the victim of crappy gossip and cheap talk that did I realize that it can cause so much pain for the receiving end.
The fact remains that if you don’t like something about the person and want to clarify it then there is no better source than the person themselves. Also, let some detail about the other person remain just what it is – private. No one wants a big brother in their lives.
Have a great weekend!