Saturday is my birthday. I will be 44. This past year has been one heck of a ride. Some of it has been great, while some I would rather forget. The thing about life is that time marches on with or without our permission. We get older, friends move away, and sometimes things go awry.
In the past year the best lessons about love have also been the hardest.
The one thing I have never lost in all of this struggle is hope. Without hope, I would have nothing. Hope is what keeps me getting up every day and trying to sort through this maze we call life.
This time last year, I had a good job, a stable relationship and my own place.
This year everything has changed.
I look back on this year and think about the things that have gone right and the things that failed. I learn from all of them. The biggest surprise of the year has been how adaptable to changing situations I have become. There was a time when I could not deal with change well. This past year has been all about change, and about accepting circumstances as they are.
I never want to live a life full of regret. I get up and ask myself one question “Are you being of service to anyone today?” My answer on most days is “yes”
Those are the days that go really well.
The days when my fear and my ego gang up on me are not such great days. I have had plenty of days where I really thought the world of myself and got put in my place with a resounding thud. Life is not always fair. It never was supposed to be.
I went through life thinking all I had to be was a good person to get the things I wanted. I have learned this year that is not always the case. Good things happen to good and bad people. Sometimes shit just happens and that is that.If anyone tells you life is fair, run in the other direction. Life is not always fair. The good guy with the white hat does not always win at the end. Sometimes bad things happen to decent people for no apparent reason.
This was a hard lesson to learn.
Please don’t think I am bitter for having been through this past year’s hardships. I am a better person for it. This past year has given me incredible gifts. I have found peace in doing tasks I never would have done a year ago. A simple dinner can be the highlight of my day, and not an expectation. Kindness is being shown to me in ways that blow my mind. This past year has also taught me that the things I thought were so important are truly ridiculous.
The most important thing to me now is peace of mind. I have that now. I no longer equate having things with being successful.
material possessions mean little to me now. Things can be stolen, lost or break. Those items can all be replaced. What is irreplaceable to me are the friends I have, the lessons I have learned and the strength to keep moving forward.
Life is an adventure.
Here is to the next year!