This past month, I have wanted to cry quite a bit. The fact is I have not cried very much at all. To be sure, things have stunk. I have been down, lonely and in terrible pain.
What am I going to do? Cry about it or find ways to feel better?
There are lots of things in my life I wish I could change. That just happens to be tough luck. My new reality is that I try to sleep in a neck brace alone while my back hurts. Crying about it will do nothing to make the situation better. Doing something by myself that is for me will make me feel better mentally if nothing else.
I have to get over my dislike of asking for help. With a physical limitation this is much easier.
I always felt that crying was what weak people did. I have always been everyone’s pillar of strength. How could I cry? How could I let any of my sadness or anger or loneliness out without feeling like a whiny baby?
Crying is a natural reaction to emotional stress and physical pain. If I cried more, I might be happier.
This past weekend, I was nearing a point of losing my patience. I have been in a lot of pain, then I saw a get well card being taken around for someone else. I was in the hospital for four days. I got no cards, no flowers, nothing. Seeing that card for someone else made me cry.
I felt as though I mattered to no one. It did not matter that it was not true. What did matter was how I felt
I am a great one at denying my feelings. I lie all the time about what hurts and what doesn’t because I hate confrontation. I want to always be loved, and I have this fear that if I tell someone how I feel they won’t love me anymore. Telling people how I feel is not bad, or evil. If I cannot be honest with myself about how I feel I have zero chance of being honest with you. For this reason, I do the best I can to tell the truth.
As much as I may wish things were different, I have a choice. I can stay miserable or I can look at the bright side
The bright side is that I have health insurance for the first time in years. I have people in my life that I know will not hurt me. I am loved. I am strong, and sometimes I do cry. There is nothing wrong with that either.
Are you shy about letting your feelings out?