This morning I had to sit and tell a psychologist all of my problems. My anger, irritability, depression, insomnia, all of it. I had to tell her that I have never been this way before. Sure, I went to a therapist when my beloved dad passed away, but he dealt with grief issues. I have never needed to take anything to help my mood – ever. Part of me feels like a failure for having to do so mow at age 45. There is a larger part of me that knows this condition is not here to stay, it is simply part of “the new normal” that I have to learn to adapt to.
Being hit by a car ruined my life in many ways. In other ways, it has forced me to take stock of myself. If there was a choice, I never would have been hit in the first place. Going to doctor after doctor, rehashing my history time after time is inconvenient at best, aggravating at worst. The really difficult part is that I have no short term memory. Things that do not get written down do not happen. Texting me something works only about half the time. I have come to realize that I have to carry a notepad and pen with me at all times.
So, part of my new normal is knowing what I can deal with and what I cannot. Being honest with doctors and all the other specialists that I see helps. What also helps is that they tell me that what I am going through is normal. There are ways of coping. I am starting to learn them.
One of my biggest coping techniques is to go for walks when I get angry. The other one is to read. Getting back to my blog is my other big outlet. I only have a few friends, so socializing is not always an option. The hardest part about getting to my new state of normal is accepting the new me. I keep remembering a time when I could do several things at once, when I remembered everything I was told and could get tons done without breaking a sweat.
Those days are over.
When I get down about this, I have to remember that one of the doctors told me that accident could have been fatal. I cannot afford another blow to the head because of my fractured skull. Life is precious. Each day that I get up, I have to thank the universe I am still here adjusting to the “new normal.”