Thoughts circle around in my brain until I pull them out and see if they are worth keeping. Lately, the main thoughts that I have been chewing on are about perception. I can take a situation and make it worse than what it is.
A simple cancellation of plans can turn into a thought that no one likes me. Now, I know that we all sometimes get a better offer. Does it make me feel left out? Of course it does. The trouble I have is when I feel like an outcast because of it. Ah, the awkward days of high school draw near in my head.
In high school I was not popular. I was a chick in the 80’s who listened to metal and did not dress like Madonna. This meant I did not have a boyfriend. I wore jeans and my Led Zeppelin or Judas Priest t-shirts and my studded leather wristbands. The other girls wore those lacy shirts and fingerless gloves. Yeah. I did not fit in. I don’t fit the mold.
In many ways, I still don’t.
It is the same thing here on the blog. I don’t fit any real mold so to speak. I write from the heart and that can leave me wide open. I look for that kind of vulnerability in other bloggers. Those are the ones I love to read. I embrace the raw, honest, thought provoking content. I run like hell from the bloggers who do not reply to their comments or refuse to engage if someone dares question them.
Over on Danny Brown’s blog, we talked about why we subscribe to blogs. I only subscribe to four, but read two faithfully.
Why do I not read all four? Simple. They have lost touch with who they once were and to read that hollowness kills me. I remember when one of the two burst on the scene years ago, and was full of enthusiasm. I loved reading and commenting on their stuff. Then, I faded away, and stopped mattering. See, when I feel that I don’t matter I do the slow fade. Like a friendship that has gone south for no real reason, I just begin caring less and less until I no longer care at all. I find these relationships to be closely linked since you are opening up about yourself.
Another blog I flat out refuse to read is one I read on a daily basis when I first began blogging. In fact, this person played a major role in me becoming a blogger at all. Sadly, this person became a “guru” and is officially too big for his britches. I still want my white robe and guru status that I was guaranteed at that ill-fated webinar. I lost respect for this person when they came under fire and promptly closed the comment section of their blog. If we cannot disagree, what is the point?
Do you fit in? Or, do you not fit the mold?