I may forgive certain people, but I never forget what they did. I will give you an example. I have an acquaintance who does not know that much about me. When I first started seeing my boyfriend, she had a negative opinion of me. That is fine, we are all entitled to our own thought process. Not everyone is going to like me.
The difficulty was, her thoughts were shaded by someone who already hated me. This person was easily manipulated by someone stronger. Months later, they were able to see they had been played. Letting someone else control your thoughts is dangerous ground. It takes away your own individuality and gives another way too much power.
When computers first came out there was an expression – GIGO “garbage in, garbage out” the human mind works pretty much the same way. I can talk to ten people about one person and come away with a few differing viewpoints. If my basic frame of mind is negative, I may validate those people who have awful things to say about someone without getting to know them. This robs me of forming my own thoughts, whether positive or negative, and it also allows someone else to do the thinking for me.
I can overlook the fact that this person never fully apologized for her early judgement of me. I know she felt she had to toe the line. I understand what it feels like to join in or be permanently on the outside. To be clear, that does not for one second excuse the behavior. This is someone I am able to be nice to, but will never be close friends with. I am capable of making my own choices, because I like thinking for myself.
In my younger days, I followed the crowd just to be accepted. Those days are long over.
Here are The Beatles to remind us “Think For Yourself”