Fear has governed my life with an iron fist for as long as I can recall. Growing up, I had a horrible fear of abandonment, which came from finding out I was adopted at five days old. Fear gave way to anger and angst in my teen years. It was far easier to have an attitude and keep people away than be honest and tell anyone how badly I was hurting.
Hurt was a feeling that got turned into anger. My rage knew no limits. I was a ticking time bomb in those days.
I still have issues with fear and anger, sometimes it can be over something insignificant. Many times fear starts the ball rolling, then anger steps in. Fear is a normal part of life, and there are situations that would make almost anyone scared. Remembering I am not the only one to feel this way can lessen my load.
This may seem strange, but for years I did not know who I would become if I walked away from fear and anger. What would be left of me?
How could I stand up for myself if I wasn’t feeling so defensive? How could I make sure injustices were being put right?
Why do I think all of this is my problem to solve?
Oh boy, that is the 5,000 pound gorilla in the room. Somewhere along the line it seems, I decided I needed to be the one to right all of the wrongs and take all the evil doers to task. This complex drives me crazy. Before my brain can kick in, I am busy telling someone off who richly deserves it. Maybe they do need to be told they are an ass. It is not my job to be the one to tell them all of the time. I can leave others to deal with their own problems without my assistance.
When I let go of outcomes, life goes better. That is a fact.
Telling my fear and anger to take a hike is not so easy. I reach for them the way Linus often had his security blanket. Fact is, no one wants to be around a person who is always upset about something. We all have issues. It is time for the 5,000 pound gorilla to go back where he came from. I don’t have to be so afraid any longer. The days of my past are gone. I no longer reside in the past.
Do you have a 5,000 pound gorilla you need to let go of?