Do you believe there is something out there running the show? Do you have faith that you are being cared for in the worst of times?
Personally speaking, I am unsure of this. I was raised to not believe in anything. My mom told me God did not exist at a young age. I was told organized religion was for fools who couldn’t think. Mom hated all forms of religion but knew it fairly well. She went to Catholic school where she was beat across the knuckles with a ruler for being left-handed. No one was going to tell her what to do or how to act. Once she got old enough, the only time she darkened the doorway of a church was for weddings or funerals.
It wasn’t a big leap for me to follow my mother. My grandmother was the classic bible thumping individual who told you at every opportunity you were being punished for some transgression. This made no sense and made God not someone I wanted to follow. Why follow a deity who hates his subjects. Was I missing something here, or was all of this faith business a bunch of baloney?
Does this mean I think those who do have faith are wrong? Absolutely not. What my grandmother did was wrong. She shamed a child into thinking all the bad things in her life were because God was doling out endless punishments. That was wrong. I am of the opinion that circumstances happen just because shit happens from time to time. Free will does not mean each person runs around handing you flowers. To me it means we are all free to screw up and there will be instances where those errors can have tragic results for another person. Yes, there are evil people who intentionally harm others, but I am talking about the random stuff that we know is an accident.
Did God do that?
I guess the issue with faith is that of blind faith. I have no ability to believe something because you told me to. Since I question everything, why would I not question the existence of a supreme being? If what they say is true and he does exist, what proof is there that he takes a vested interest in how things work out? What about the people who mean well and try hard, but their sincere requests go unheard? How does one continue to believe then?
That is why I envy those who do have faith. They have the strength of their convictions, whether others agree or disagree. Faith is highly subjective and personal. More often than not, there are days that I wish I did have faith in things unseen, but the concept is so foreign to me.
The past few months has found me looking for answers to these questions. As I am fond of saying “The jury is still out.” Before I decide for myself what is and is not the truth, I want to make an informed decision.
What if I am right? What if when we die nothing happens?
Then again, what if I am wrong?